Friday, September 18, 2009

victory days

in few hours we will observe the scene where people will celebrate something that annually occurs. it's called aidilfitri. or in malaysia we called it as "hari raya". the days of victory as said in our holy book. it is. but there is two perspective here.

1)let those who fight against their temptation celebrate their victory. as they have won the war. and heaven blessed the victory.

2)to those who lose the fight against that war. it's about time to receive the reinforcement from hell.

actually i view ramadhan as a month of war. it is unliterally a war between our lust and our faith. who ever win or lose. both celebrate syawal. why? because right after the ramadhan all of us will some sort of forgetting what the mean of this war. it is so annual phenomenon that we'll forget what the war have tought us. we won't fight against our lust outside of ramadhan but instead we going to wait till the next one. will we be there next year?

stop saying god's will.
start asking will we?

when we we're celebrating the days of victory. we forgot that the real enemy now is back. we turn our guard down isn't it? we are such a bunch of idiots. who really think we're going to make it there.
just because we did what our ancestors did.
just because we believe what our ancestors believe.
just because we think we are good enough.

owhohoho. shut it up. being a religous people isn't that simple. it's far more complicated road that lies between the easy spiritual belief. trust me. i'm taking based on personal experience of aspostasy. i've study the religion from the outside view back there. and what i saw is.

religon is like an abstract art. it's simple and beauty.
but beneath it. lies thousand meaning.


whatever it is. i think most of you didn't get it.
happy "hari raya".

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

losing another level

recently i was losing my sanity.
i've become cold,quiet and rebellious.
it's not that i'm liking it.
but i'm moving towards it.
i was so out of the mood.
it's like everyone was turning back.
it's like everything was fading away.
so i guess i just turned away from all this nonsense.
the more i think,care or love.
the more it's hurt.
so i'm leaving.

to dearest father:
"save your penny for other siblings. i know i'm not your fav. i'll pay back if you want."
to dearest mother:
"cry as much as you can. coz after you gone. it's me who will cry for you. not them"
to dearest sister:
"you the smart ass around here. you'll figured out someday who i am"
to dearest brother:
"you take care of this family one day. when that day come. i'm out of it"
to dearest family:
"i know i'm the youngest. but it doesn't means that i'm the one to be fooled,controlled and judged around here. i've been enduring to survive in this house. why? because everytime i get in. there'll be something wrong relating to me. and the worst part. i don't give a shit about it. i talk,shout or do what i want. deal with it or fold me out. and i'm strongly oppose the quotation 'my home,my paradise'. simply because paradise is nothing near that i can be. i'm burning inside this house. coz no one seems to understand me. "

and then i would like to say that.

"supposely i should respect all of my family. but as long as you didn't. i'm ain't giving any shit."

to all followers who given award,raya card and etc.
i'm not going to post it here on my blog.
but i do kept it on personal external hardisk.
really appreciate them. thanx.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


Oreta awai tsubasa
Kimi wa sukoshi
Aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame janakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

Izen to shite shinobiyoru kodoku
Uchigawa ni tomoru rousoku
Nigiwau ba ni gouka na shanderia to wa urahara ni
Tarinai kotoba no
Kubomi o nani de umetara ii n’ darou
Mou wakaranai yo
Semete yume no naka de
Jiyuu ni oyogetara anna sora mo iranai no ni
Kinou made no koto wo
Nuritsubusa nakute mo asu ni mukaeru no ni

Oreta awai tsubasa
Kimi wa sukoshi
Aosugiru sora ni tsukareta dake sa
Mou dareka no tame ja nakute
Jibun no tame ni waratte ii yo

Rettoukan to no wakai wa
Kantan ni wa kanawanaisa
Jiishiki no teppen ni suwaru
Kagami ga utsusu hanabira
Furishiboru you ni
Kogoreta ai wo sakende miru keredo
Meguru toki no naka de
Kizuguchi wa yagate
Kasabuta ni kowatte iku
Kimi wa sore o matazu
Totemo utsukushiku
Totemo hakanage de

Hagare ochita ato no
Ubuge no you ni
Hiwamari no naka de furueru inori
Ima wa muri ni dareka no koto wo
Ai sou to omowanakute ii no ni

Toki ni kono sekai wa
Ue wo muite
Aruku ni wa sukoshi mabushii sugiru ne
Shizumu you ni
Me wo fuseru to
Kawaita chimen ga namida wo susuru
Why do you feel so
Alone anytime
Subete wo uketomenakute ii yo
Why do you feel so
Alone anytime
Koraeru koto dakedo
Yuuki ja nai

translation is provided below!

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Loneliness continues to creep up on me,
a candle alight on the inside
Such a gorgeous chandelier
shouldn’t be at a crowded party, like this one
Why should I bury it all
in the emptiness of words that are lacking?
I don’t know anymore

As long as we can swim freely in our dreams,
we don’t need the sky anymore
Even if I can’t paint over everything
that happened up until yesterday,
I’ll still come out to meet you tomorrow

Your folded pale wings
are just a little tired from the overly blue sky
You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself

Inferiority complexes and reconciliations
aren’t things that will come true so easily
The mirror that remains
at the top of self-consciousness reflects flower petals
It looks like my voice is strained
from trying to cry out with an impure love
It’s irritating

In these changing times,
wounds will soon turn into scabs
Without waiting for that to happens,
you’re so beautiful, and so fleeting…

Prayers shiver in the sun,
like traces of down that have come loose
It’s alright to not think about loving someone
as being too much for you right now

Sometimes this world is a little bit too dazzling
to walk looking upward in
When you cast your eyes down,
as though sinking, the dry ground slurps up your tears

Why do we feel so alone anytime?
You don’t have to take on everything
Why do we feel so alone anytime?
Just putting up with it isn’t courage

lets sing a song! a japanese one! actually bleach anime OST... yeay2! nice song for me now.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

di ambang merdeka

okay. di pendekkan kisah. malam merdeka aku bertolak ke Port Dickson memandang ada info yang mengatakan tiada pertunjukan bunga api di putra jaya. selepas berasap naga(shisha) kt rumah member. kitorang lepak dataran apa tah. yang ada bdk2 main mercun das. boleh la tu...kira bunga api. sambung kemudiannya bertolak ke KL untuk besahur. dan terjadilah event dibawah..hehe.

lebih kurang sejam tersekat kat situ. kereta polis tutup jalan dengan melintangkan kereta di tengah jalan. ada la 3 bijik melintang. dan ianya dilakukan di kedua2 belah jalan. aku xpaham tol. huhu. setelah trafik mula bergerak video dibawah pula telah diambil. :P

kesimpulan malam merdeka!

1)polis bodoh nyusahkan orang
2)hambar punyer merdeka
3)esoknya minyak naik harga.

the end.. :)