one word describing me
Friday, October 1, 2010
currently. im in a situation where things are falling apart. bit by bit. i got hit here and there. inside and outside. then someone or everyone says im a childish person. i give you the story of my life from my side.just to explain why. its not what i asked for being childish and stubborn. its just how i grew up eventually. its not like im blaming others for this. coz as everyone knew. i am a low self esteem person which tends to blame myself. so this is my route given by god and i cant make it the way others expect including family,lovers,friends and god.
i grew up too fast and there is no childhood actually. i already memorizing and practice multiplication and division since before kindergarden. i read a lot when i was before kindergarden. I at the point where no one would even imagine since i was small. thats is why i manage to excel in academic field untill i was in 3grade. after that i "jumped" class. i was shocked by a mathematical terms called "fraction". since then i was dropping my standard of education. untill i was at form 3. my pmr result wasnt bad. i got the offer to go to technic schools. my dad refuse so i stuck in subang. and i was learning biology eventhough i was intrested in ICT field. but. i move on. after that i got to asasi uitm. for a year and half. i study law. i was on every effort refusing to retake my muet exam since i know. if i flunk law. i can go to ICT field. however thanks to uitm. i still stucked at law. and now. im currently doing a degree in law without my passion.
i was grew as the last child. my mother puts a lot of hope in me. so she pushed my capability at age 5. and to be in the family is hard. imagine. a child play with itself untill 5th grade. how thats for lonely? however this is life. i grew. i was emotionally change since i was 5th grade where i finally have a "wet dreams". since then i was one rebellious boy. i was involved in schools gang. i skipped class. and even smoke. i was turning to a person who i am today. and at form2. i meet my first love. n thats totally change everything. i get this wet and weak heart since then. i was starting to turn unstable and unable to think logically. i learn my temper since then. i learn to cry since then. and for god sake. i am a weaklings since then.
i learned to perform my pray at age 4 or 5. i cant remember it well. i already finish the whole quran in standard3. i didnt even start learn to recite used iqra'. it starts with muqaddam straight ahead. and counting untill now. i repeated to finish the whole quran 7 times. however there is a black dot in my religious experience. i was a condemmed astray from form 4 till form 5 which i was an offical member of the satanism. thank god. i being reconverted by ustaz fauza in form 5. and untill now. im a muslims. i think subliminally. i was still at the point of searching god. and by god. he test me a whole lot of test.
i was grew up too fast that i dont see the value of social life. i was a silent or rude person. since i turned to 5th grade. i still remember how others dont like me. the only person who be friend with me at the gang. of course. the conversation and activities was a little bit harsh. i learn to social in other side of life. since then i have more friends older than at the same age. and with that all of them does not really apply the tittle "abang,pakcik" or etc. so when i meet people. its awkward to call and respect others. i was streotyping others to be the same age as i calling "aku,kau". when i shake hands with others. i cant really kiss elders hand. i only do that for my family and her family. thats seems to be rude. i'm trying to change.
I was pushed beyond my ordinary capability since i was small. now i am 2 years ahead of a person that at the same age of me in academic. i was being a little too unstable in emotions. im a persons that may not be understandable in religous as i was once an astray. i was socially rude to others eyes. here and there. i was one fucked up living persons. that is me. i was an incomplete persons with extraordinary route.
im trying hard each days to learn and adapt my life for a better things a head though.
but recently i was tested by beloved god. in family crisis. in love crisis. in financial crisis. in social crisis. in drugs crisis. in academic crisis. all these things hit me in one month time frame which is one month before my final. i barely can walk since i was falling, but now i had to run. now that is one hard task to complete. and i see it in this way.
"GOD TEST ARENT MEANT TO BE PASSED. ITS MEANT TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING".
currently. im trying hard to picks up few things. and i need others supports. i really hope you can share some of your motivational words just to move me there. to make it in life. tq. :(
i wish i was there. better ones than now who i am.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
1)aku nak training lompat tinggi kat celah klcc. pastu jatuh dalam kolam klcc. best2.
2)aku nak harumkan nama negara. pergi klang amik keris besar. buat persembahan silat. mungkin aku akan menerima tempahan silat untuk orang kawin kot.
3)aku nak cungkil gigi (ultraman ada gigi??) pakai menara kl. mesti bersih. :)
4)teringin nak conduct senamrobik. sebab slalu senamrobik orang xnampak mcm mana nk buat coz instructor kecik. jadi ultraman kan besar. mesti nampak.
5)aku nak buat gaya mat rempit "superman" atas spinx kat egypt. pastu buat peace. mesti cool giler kan2?
6)masa kecik aku pernah terpikir nak main kereta mainan dekat tembok besar cina. bila dah jadi ultraman baru la boleh main ye tak?
7)aku nak bergambar kat patung gundam besar di jepun. kan geng gaban2 besar..hebat betol kalau dapat bergambar sebegitu.
8)barbeque di gunung berapi. macam sedap je rasanya. mungkin aku perlukan 100 ekor gajah untuk satu sesi perkelahan di gunung berapi.
9)aku rasa nak shuffle lak bile dah jadi ultraman nanti dekat dataran merdeka. wah..mesti "eyes on malaysia" pastu. heee
10)pemandangan bumi dari bulan lawa. jadi aku nak tgk la kalau jadi ultraman. kan terbang laju..tiap2 malam leh tgk..jgn risau. nanti aku mms kat korang gambar die ek?!
sebenarnya byk lg sebab. tapi xsempat nk tulis. esok ada test. ni hanyalah sesi buang masa. wahahaha~
Monday, March 1, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
a master tells his student to fill up a small cup with the whole jug of water. and it should never spills up no matter what. the students tries and fail,so the master says. if you fills a cup that is already full. it's going to spill. if you wanna fill the cup,you have to throw away the old water away first.
a master tells his student to collect the most beautiful leaf. but he should only have one leaf in his possession and never go beyond the a tree. the students picked one. and then he sees another one. he throw the old leaf and pick up the new one. without noticing that he already pass the tree. when he realize. it's already too late.
at the student last day. his master tells him. remember. life is a journey. and so the student begin his journey that day. he says to me. life is a journey. but the destination is home. hence life is a homecoming.
this epic tales is compiling a few tales that have been changing my life recently regarding religion and life. the first tales is first seen by me in 2012 movie. if you want to adapt something new you have to throw the old one. the second tales was first heard by me from my housemate name abbad. if you kept searching you'll never find. and without realizing you already dead. and the last tales was first discovered by my own. life is a homecoming for us. we are going back up there literally.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
those bright days is towards the end
then the moons shine the hopeless lights
leaving shadows scattered all around
fear filled within shallowed souls
looking for light from biblical text
they found nothing but despair
breaking the fragile faith they share
and those who believe buried inside
as the beast inside is unleashed
untamed, uncontrollable, unstoppable
nothing left white but the moons
and its remains shining upon the night
thats getting darker every moment
awaits there, the suns for the new dawn
to once again shines upon those astray
when the circumstances kills the hope
joys are fading away from life
replaced by religion guidance that seems to be weakened
leaving nothing but illusive goodness
those people who are less educated in religion are filled with fear of the worlds end
still they try to find something in the holy religion book
but nothing bring them back to the days where faith was strong
thus washing away any faith that they hold before
their goodness and kindness are hidden deep inside
and their evil are exposed on the outside
turning human being to animals
their religion is the only things that remain in good,but not their people
however,religion are holy things that can't be wipe out,its survive
even the worst condition,even humanity is nothing more than a word
the religion now awaits till one day
the human founds their faith again
Monday, January 25, 2010
aftermath picture taken at my college
can you see the sport rim? it was bend and broken.
the cover set was broken and swing arm was twisted
so here my bills.
reason:obviously it was damaged. there was a major crack.
reason:the impact left it to bend badly.
reason:the mainframe of the bike was pushed towards the inside.
reason:easy said that it can be hold anything any longer
reason:the swingarm was twisted a bit to the right
reason:obviously it was torned up
reason:it was broken into million pieces
reason:the old rim was splitting up due to the crash
total: exceed rm1000.
i was flying about 4feet height and 8feet distance after hit the divider.
internal injuries could be fatal. now? counting days.