Monday, June 18, 2012

salute mi familia

today i'm going to talk about "mi familia"..here.  a picture of us. :)


let me start introduce the composition that made these picture. it may be wrong for them.but to me. for 20 years. this is how i know them and always remembered how they are.

1st left: Mak
1)she is one authoritative figure in our family. she controls things more than you could ever realize. she does it boldly usually. taking example, she would fight the fight that my father doesn't even want to fight. usually, she's the mastermind in every our family action. she is the silent guardian of our family.
2) she is one wise people in relationship i ever meet. none like anyone in my family, my mothers is the only person who cared about my relationship and giving advice from time to time. in addition she got lots of experience from the story i've heard.
3)she also very secretive(sort of). taking example when she upset about something she doesn't tell you in the face but she tell them to the others. she just need someone to hear her out. let say my sis making problem. she nags to me and she smile to my sister regardless the problem.
4)she also the figure of great trust. in these era. she doesn't even have a handphone and never bother. why? she trust her husband. but never. unleash. the kraken. coz you really don't want to be there when she's upset. it's get pretty brutal. trust me. 
5) she also have a very great instict about stuff. so if i have any problem. usually her words is out of logic. but still workable. idk why. but i do trust her advice with my life. she can see the bullshit our of someone. she saw someone and may say "she's not worth it". but she also saw my vee. and she suddenly says, she's pretty.  weird huh?

the middle: akak
1)she is one smart piece of ass. she is the smartest among us. she study abroad and can think very critically. but she is more logic based than my mother.
2)she does have standards of all things. no matter what. she want's every in her life to be exactly how she wanted them to be or else.
3)a very tough one. she want what she wants. she have these stubborn head which made me remember, once while she was kid. she's willingly to roll on the road just to get a colouring books. she also could grab a food inside my fathers mouth just to eat them even it's already chewed on. 
4)she doesn't have the comforting words but her wise words does reflects that she is very very positive and don't give a damn about a negative things. she doesn't care what other says as it was her life after all and no theirs.

the second right: abg
1) he is one very funny guy i must tell you. but these jokes sometimes comes on wrong place and wrong time. but all in all, it's very funny.
2)very religious, he view religion just like the way i do. it's something very abstract, which means simple things but looks closer and there's more. look a lil bit closer. and there's more.
3)the family guy. he put's his family above anything else. that's it. nothing less for his family. but she seems to be abit too easy to be fooled by woman. 

the right: ayah
1) he is very quiet persons that love to sleep. he hates crowded places or anyone that bother him while he was asleep.
2)he is very obliged to his wife. for 20 years. most decision he made must be in conformity with his wife advice.even he will only mad at something that my mother mad at. if my mothers fine. he's fine.
3) he doesn't count love. he doesn't care if you ask him money. coz to him. money comes and goes. just need them to keep the loved one happy and he'll happy.
4)he doesn't bother. what you do, he love it. no matter what. he have the great acceptance of everything and quite positive guy if his wife isn't around. 

my family for the past 20 years thought me different things. and the dynamic marriage role by my father and mother is something that i wanted in my future relationship with vee. she said that a guy who loved his mother is tend to be a good husband. but to me. who sons doesn't loves their mother. what i think is that your entire family influence on how you want your family in future.

and by this logic. i wanted my future wife(hopefully vee) to be more like my mother. a protective person who fought for me no matter what. controls everything in life to get things right the way she want. 
and i want to be like my father. no matter what, he decides things by the decree given by his wife. doesn't care about anything than his wife wishes. and fully influenced by his wife.
maybe these sounds un manly, but it's the way i've grown up in and i loved it these way. 

there's actually more of them. but i think these few things is important. so. watch these video. 
salute mi familia!

Friday, June 15, 2012

it's already too late


Mia Toretto: Let this go. Before it's too late. 

Dominic Toretto: It's already too late. 


yes. that's the quote of fast and furious(2009) and i think it's suits me well at these point of time.

so. here we are. the old age question. i've got nothing left to explain. coz when i do. i'm afraid it's just a bunch of lies from me to keep you by my side coz i loved you. clearly i don't understand love coz in love there's shouldn't be lie. maybe it's date back to the day from early 2005 where all my relationship are built solely on purpose of lies. i remember my first gf. the purpose was to get a school prefect gf so that spot check can be predicted accurately to cover up my peeps. so there. my whole relationship was rotting foundation of lies.

"I dunno what to tell you, Marge! I don't think about things. I mean, I respect those who do, but... I just try and make the day not hurt until I can crawl back in with you." -homer simpson

his quote is exactly what i've done alot with vee. i don't think about things. i just try my hardest to make the day doesn't hurt till i can crawl back with you. why? idk. if u asked me. this is the reasons why i'm such a big fat cheater. i'm pretty sure that i messed up all my relationship n drag every girl ever existed to come to be an enemy of my state of mind. hmm.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
enough quote time. let's talk about yesterday. yes. i'm changing the call in life. not a cliche. for real. i'm changing my phone number,e-mail n social network details. why? for the reason. that last night during the fight with vee. i had a epiphany about what shits going through in my relationship.

the weaklings are not from my ex, it's me
the memory of my past never haunted me, 
but it's me who want them to hunt me

since i must gone through these phase coz such a weaklings. it's seems okay coz in my current relationship the strongest one always vee. and this is her decision that i agree coz maybe it's the only way.
thus. by changing all the afore mention. things hopefully will change. and by vee on my side it's seems for the first time in my life, things gonna be okay. and finally things get better indefinitely. coz she'll be there. (i hope so)
these action had closed the chapter of where i'll be looking back coz i've learnt my lessons. giving a better chance towards tomorrow. wow. i never felt more relieved..this ought to be the best decision i've ever made in relationship life. 

i'm ashamed for what i've done, 
i'm fear for what i'll do,
but i'm proud of my act today

now, that's about yesterday. now it's today. vee want me to see her. dear god i pray it'll go fine. i been refusing them a few times before. because i'm afraid i'm going to show up just to hear a break up words. it's better not to confront such heart breaking words coz i'm not ready. even i know it's too late too change anything now. idk. i don't think i ever wanna hear that words no matter how screwed up i was. coz i'm always afraid of being alone. the last time i'm all alone i winded up ending in drugs scene. 

urm? there. a reason why i'm such a weaklings when i'm alone. 
urm? now i know why i said she was the best i've ever had and the best i ever can get. 

urm? now i know the reason why i loved vee so much

coz she's the light that guide me,
the parts that completed me,
the shield that protects me,
the spirits that keeps me going,
the wisdom who decides who i am,
the solution that i looking for,
she's the one.

but..it's already too late. lied too much n too long.
my light grew dimmer,
the parts now crumbling,
the shields worn down,
the spirits now stops,
the wisdom is tired,
the solution stop solving,
will she remains the one?

for that question. my answer is she is the one. but to remains to be the one. it's impossible. but that's what the one meant isn't it?

the one is whom lasted and gone something nobody does for you.