Friday, June 15, 2012

it's already too late


Mia Toretto: Let this go. Before it's too late. 

Dominic Toretto: It's already too late. 


yes. that's the quote of fast and furious(2009) and i think it's suits me well at these point of time.

so. here we are. the old age question. i've got nothing left to explain. coz when i do. i'm afraid it's just a bunch of lies from me to keep you by my side coz i loved you. clearly i don't understand love coz in love there's shouldn't be lie. maybe it's date back to the day from early 2005 where all my relationship are built solely on purpose of lies. i remember my first gf. the purpose was to get a school prefect gf so that spot check can be predicted accurately to cover up my peeps. so there. my whole relationship was rotting foundation of lies.

"I dunno what to tell you, Marge! I don't think about things. I mean, I respect those who do, but... I just try and make the day not hurt until I can crawl back in with you." -homer simpson

his quote is exactly what i've done alot with vee. i don't think about things. i just try my hardest to make the day doesn't hurt till i can crawl back with you. why? idk. if u asked me. this is the reasons why i'm such a big fat cheater. i'm pretty sure that i messed up all my relationship n drag every girl ever existed to come to be an enemy of my state of mind. hmm.

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enough quote time. let's talk about yesterday. yes. i'm changing the call in life. not a cliche. for real. i'm changing my phone number,e-mail n social network details. why? for the reason. that last night during the fight with vee. i had a epiphany about what shits going through in my relationship.

the weaklings are not from my ex, it's me
the memory of my past never haunted me, 
but it's me who want them to hunt me

since i must gone through these phase coz such a weaklings. it's seems okay coz in my current relationship the strongest one always vee. and this is her decision that i agree coz maybe it's the only way.
thus. by changing all the afore mention. things hopefully will change. and by vee on my side it's seems for the first time in my life, things gonna be okay. and finally things get better indefinitely. coz she'll be there. (i hope so)
these action had closed the chapter of where i'll be looking back coz i've learnt my lessons. giving a better chance towards tomorrow. wow. i never felt more relieved..this ought to be the best decision i've ever made in relationship life. 

i'm ashamed for what i've done, 
i'm fear for what i'll do,
but i'm proud of my act today

now, that's about yesterday. now it's today. vee want me to see her. dear god i pray it'll go fine. i been refusing them a few times before. because i'm afraid i'm going to show up just to hear a break up words. it's better not to confront such heart breaking words coz i'm not ready. even i know it's too late too change anything now. idk. i don't think i ever wanna hear that words no matter how screwed up i was. coz i'm always afraid of being alone. the last time i'm all alone i winded up ending in drugs scene. 

urm? there. a reason why i'm such a weaklings when i'm alone. 
urm? now i know why i said she was the best i've ever had and the best i ever can get. 

urm? now i know the reason why i loved vee so much

coz she's the light that guide me,
the parts that completed me,
the shield that protects me,
the spirits that keeps me going,
the wisdom who decides who i am,
the solution that i looking for,
she's the one.

but..it's already too late. lied too much n too long.
my light grew dimmer,
the parts now crumbling,
the shields worn down,
the spirits now stops,
the wisdom is tired,
the solution stop solving,
will she remains the one?

for that question. my answer is she is the one. but to remains to be the one. it's impossible. but that's what the one meant isn't it?

the one is whom lasted and gone something nobody does for you.


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